For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
~Matthew 6:14-15

Dear Molly,

Having the ability to forgive your husband is one of the greatest gifts you can give your marriage. Realize Jesus died in order to give you forgiveness. He chose the cross for the sake of your purity. And now, by faith, the relationship that was once severed because of sin is whole and beautiful again! We are to follow in the footsteps of His forgiveness.

Just as conflict is inevitable, forgiveness is a choice. I encourage you to choose forgiveness. Resolve your conflicts, and then also let them go. “Love does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Call on Christ in time of need; what you cannot do naturally, He can do supernaturally through you. Trust Him, and He will be your help and your guide and, ultimately, your peace.

The alternate choice is unforgiveness; there is really not a third option. But if you take the unforgiving route, the divide between husband and wife only becomes deeper and wider. I have found that not only does unforgiveness interfere with Mac and me, but it also inhibits my relationship with my heavenly Father. My communication line is temporarily disconnected with the Lord because of clouded feelings of anger, bitterness, and discontentment. So, I have both isolated myself from my soul mate on this earth, as well as drawn away from the One who loves my soul the most!

Forgive Ryan the way Christ forgave you. Also, pray for Ryan the way Christ prays for you. Pray Ryan’s heart would be softened, and then convicted of any hurt he may have caused you. Humbled hearts of repentance and forgiveness will keep your marriage full of love and acceptance, even in the midst of failures and miscommunications.

Forgiveness is the harder choice in the beginning, but it is always the right choice for a peace-filled ending.

Love, Chris

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
~Matthew 5:7

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God has given you.
~Exodus 20:12

Dear Molly,

Over the years of your marriage, Lord willing, you will transition together into the awesome role of parenting. Each of you will possess a love for your children that is deep and pure and beautiful. This God-given love will enable you to both tend to the tangible challenges of physical care, as well as pursue the intangible responsibilities of developing the character of each child. One of your “intangible responsibilities” as Mommy is to make Daddy your child’s greatest hero. Children will do this naturally; so really, your job is to maintain and encourage this endearing relationship.

Realize your children’s relationship to their Daddy will be a reflection of your relationship with Ryan. Always know that little eyes are watching, little ears are listening, and little minds are being molded daily. Children are excellent imitators; so, teach with your actions.

If you show kindness to your husband, they learn kindness towards their daddy.

If you show respect towards him, they learn respect.

If you uplift and encourage, they will learn to do the same.

Be cautiously aware the opposite is true:

If you are unkind to your husband, they will learn unkindness.

If you are disrespectful to your husband, they learn disrespect, not only towards their daddy, but also, towards other authority as well.

If your words tear down and discourage, these are the words your children hear and learn to mimic.

God has given you the awesome privilege of being your children’s teacher. Teach them to live by the way you choose to live – through the love and strength of Jesus Christ. Love your husband, and they will love their daddy. Listen to your husband, and they will listen to their daddy. Honor your husband, and they will have a hero in their home.

Love, Chris

Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
~Ephesians 5:1-2

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
~Genesis 2:18

Dear Molly,

When you said the simple words, “I do” before God and man on your wedding day, you were committing yourself to the life-long privilege of being a helpmate to your husband. Realize this is now the first and foremost call in your life. This is God’s design for you. And you, Molly, are the one suitable for Ryan. In obedience to God, who knows best and has the best for our marriage, I encourage you to help your husband. He does need your help to be a better man, husband, and father. I have listed here ways we, as wives, are called to fill our husband’s needs:

Physically. I encourage you to go to Song of Solomon in Scripture and see the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Remember, this is a need of your husband. Fill it – often.

Emotionally. Please know and always remember your husband needs you to be his confidant, his “safe place.” Be quiet-spirited and listen to him. Then “put on kindness” towards him – kind words, kind ways. Being kind in your thoughts and actions concerning your husband will keep a sweet peace within the walls of your home. Make it your ambition to encourage (put courage in) him every day. “Pleasant words are as honeycomb; sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24

Spiritually. Your husband needs you to grow spiritually. You are now “one flesh,” so when you grow, he grows. As you gain wisdom and knowledge concerning the love of Christ, you are able to speak into your husband’s heart and mind with words of life. Realize a woman has the amazing ability to persuade a man, for better or worse. Look at Scripture – Eve with Adam, Delilah with Samson, Sarah with Abraham, and more. I encourage you to speak into Ryan’s life wisely and selflessly. Seek God’s will first, and then speak into your husband’s life. In doing so, you will both receive a blessing from the hand of the Lord.

Ryan needs you, Molly – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You have been given the high honor of helping your husband be all he was created to be.

Love, Chris

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life.
~Proverbs 31:11-12

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.
~Proverbs 12:4

And let not your adornment be merely external … but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
~1 Peter 3:3-4

Dear Molly,

I truly believe one of the greatest assets in a marriage relationship is when the wife obtains the “imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit.” If it is “precious in the sight of God,” you know it will also be precious to your husband as well. Realize this sweet spirit abiding in you is the underlying character quality of submissiveness.

How can we, as wives, gain and keep this peaceful virtue? Notice 1 Peter 3 says the gentle and quiet spirit is born from the “hidden person of the heart.” There is only One, Jesus Christ, who can develop your innermost being. He is the gentle and quiet Spirit! I suggest you sit close by your Savior every morning. Let the Author of peace breathe into you through His Word. He will bring solitude to your heart that this world cannot imitate.

Realize, too, this quiet disposition does not imply weakness in your position or your personality. On the contrary, “His gentleness will make you great.” To illustrate, think of the beauty and purity of velvety rose petals. In order for these petals to even blossom, they must first be supported by a strong, life-sustaining stem. So underneath the tender “petals” lies the tenacious “stem” of strength and wisdom. Likewise, when you are rooted and grounded in the love of Christ, you will find nothing can shake your character or your calm reserve. At the same time, your sweet fragrance of gentleness is an attraction to all.

I encourage you, Molly, to “be still and know your God.” As you relate to Ryan, you will know when to speak and when to remain silent; when to confront and when to “let something go.” Listen to the Lord in the quietness of your heart. Allow Him to speak to you, and through you. Pray also that the Lord will speak to the heart of your husband. Realize, too, sometimes the less you say, the more God is able to speak. Your words may touch your husband’s ears, but God’s words will penetrate Ryan’s heart. Trust Him to speak, and let your gentle and quiet spirit win him without a word.

Love, Chris

Abide in Me, and I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
~John 15:5

The fruit of the Spirit is … gentleness. The fruit of the Spirit is … peace.
~Galatians 5:22-23

In quietness and trust is your strength.
~Isaiah 30:15

There is an appointed time for everything. There is a time … to laugh.
~Ecclesiastes 3:4

Dear Molly,

I hope laughter will be beautiful music played throughout your marriage. Laughter’s melody is catchy and light-hearted, causing the worries and stresses of life to unwind and lighten. Your laughter together will become sweet harmony not only to your souls but also to all those who hear it. Laugh often with Ryan, your partner of “music.”

I also encourage you to laugh often at Ryan, in an uplifting way, of course. Even if you have heard the same joke for fifteen years, still chuckle. (I chuckle in amazement that Mac is still telling these jokes!) You are your husband’s audience, so laugh. I am convinced this is one reason Mac picked me to be his wife – my gullibility to fall for a joke, and my laughter at his jokes, was just what he needed to keep on performing (God help me). Remember, humor in a marriage brings harmony to the home.

And then, I encourage you to laugh at yourself. Laugh at the burnt chicken (the burnt pizza, the burnt grilled cheese, the burnt green beans that are shellacked to the bottom of the pan). Laugh at locking your keys in your running vehicle which contains your groceries and your bewildered babies (you may need to cry first on this one). Laugh at showing up for your child’s friend’s birthday party a week early or a week late (I’ve done both). Choose to laugh at your imperfections instead of sinking under them. Your mistakes do not define you. They may humble you a little bit, but Jesus Christ defines you. And Jesus is JOY! And joy from within becomes bubbling laughter.

I pray you and Ryan will continually seek true joy in your marriage. As you do, others will want to join in with your sweet melodious tune.

Love, Chris

“God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me.”
~Genesis 21:6

Our mouth was filled with laughter and our tongue with joyful singing … “The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.”
~Psalm 126:2-3

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
~Philippians 4:6-7

Dear Molly,

One of the most sacred and precious possessions given to man on this side of heaven is the gift of prayer. Our faith-filled words touch the heart of God and ignite His power! I encourage you to put prayer into practice very early in your marriage so you may begin to reap the benefits with joy. As you present your requests to God concerning Ryan, the Creator of his heart willingly moves and molds his character.

Prayer will also enable you to maintain the much desired gentle and quiet spirit of a wife. Instead of pointing out all of Ryan’s “flaws” with a judgmental spirit, quietly take these issues to the One who can groom and grow your husband into a mighty man of God. This approach will keep you from nagging him, which only causes your husband to turn away, not towards you (believe me, I am still learning – nagging doesn’t get you anywhere). But always believe and know, God’s hand is much more able to change a man’s heart and mind than a wife’s contentious words. Again, take these requests to the One who is able to perform powerfully!

I thought I would share with you ways I have brought Mac before the Lord over the years. I have prayed for him in other specific ways, but these are the broader areas of prayer listed which may be helpful as you pray for Ryan:

I pray for my husband …

1. to have a deep love for God, His Word, and for others
2. to be able to understand me – my thoughts, my personality, my fears, my dreams
3. to be the spiritual leader of this family as a husband and a father
4. to surround himself with godly friends who will encourage him and keep him accountable to God’s Word and ways.

Over time, I have seen the Lord’s hand at work in the heart of my husband, and I have been able to rejoice in His beautiful answers! God is for me; He is for my husband; and He is for our marriage. The same is true for you, Molly. Take advantage of the awesome privilege of prayer, and watch God work powerfully in Ryan’s life, and in your marriage.

Love, Chris

… the prayer of the upright is His delight.
~Proverbs 15:8

The (husband’s) heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes.
~Proverbs 21:1