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Respite For the Weary
Whew, adult-parenting is tough.
Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.
So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?
Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.
When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:
1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.
2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.
3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.
Be patient.
Be prudent.
Be prayerful.
Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.
I grew up in the deep southern woods of Mississippi--lots and lots of pine trees towered over our home. So when I moved "way up here" in Tennessee, the colorful fall season took me by surprise. Year after year, I am mesmerized by the radiant reds, the fiery oranges, and the brilliant golds bursting from every tree and bush--incredible, breath-taking beauty.
I'm sure I am not the first to correlate God's seasons with His love story through Christ:
Fall speaks to us about His dying for us on the cross.
Winter represents His burial, enclosed in a death that we will never have to endure.
Spring shouts about His resurrection... a newness of life for all who believe.
And Summer proclaims the ongoing growth and abundance of this new life.
So, here we are again in the seasonal cycle; the glorious fall surrounds us. It's hard to believe these brilliant leaves on the trees are actually dying. But isn't that exactly what happened at the cross? Listen to Jesus' words to His Father, just before He was taken into custody:
Father, it's time. Display the bright splendor of Your Son so the Son in turn may show Your bright splendor." (msg, John 17:1)
Two thousand years ago, the King of Glory hung on a tree, dying. His fiery passion for the world He loved held Him there, not the nails. His perfect crimson blood was willingly shed for you and me. And as our Savior's life was drained from Him, it was the most tragically beautiful gift to behold. Before the darkness of "winter" encroached, the Light of the World triumphantly cried out, "It is finished." Indeed, it was awe-full.
Today, this day, when I see the radiance all around me and watch these colorful trees of the field clapping their hands, I know why they're applauding. I want to join them in honor of the King that gave His life a ransom for many. So I too, will praise Him, and thank Him... for His glorious Fall.
These 4 words can save a life.
I attended a fund raiser with my husband Mac the other night in which Pursue Ministries had a guest speaker. This godly man, Mario Zandstra, spoke to us about how to share the gospel using 4 words:
Sin
Guess what? Sin marks ALL of us, from mass murderer to unkind thinker.
Separation
When we realize that our one “small speck” of an unkind thought or stir-the-pot gossip can separate us from holiness, we’re finally understanding our accurate position before God. No human-good-work is good enough to cover our “big or tiny” sin-mark!
Substitute
BUT GOD…in his rich mercy and with his great love sent his Son, Jesus, to forgive your sin and mine! He chose to be the one and only perfect sacrifice for an imperfect people. Our faith in him is our “ticket” to HIS righteousness.
Salvation
Not only did Jesus die on the cross but he also rose from the dead, which means he was victorious over both sin and death. If you believe this truth, not only do you have the opportunity to have his Spirit living inside of you today to help you navigate your life in this still-messy-world, but you also have a perfect inheritance waiting for you in heaven. Jesus is the gift that keeps on giving, forever!
These four words: SIN, SEPARATION, SUBSTITUTE, SALVATION are for you, for me, and for anyone that God lays on your heart. The news is too good (and too critical) to keep to ourselves, so think about who it is that you can share it with. Lay fear down, pick courage up.
Just think, God may use you as the messenger to save this person’s life.
ps A challenge for you...find the four words/points in this passage...then celebrate its truth!
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3: 3-7
If I asked you to define "greatness," how would you respond?
Would it have to do with your job? Climbing that ladder?
Would it have to do with your influence? Checking those numbers?
Would it be tied to your bank account? Counting your income?
I think in a same-but-different kind of way, we humans equate greatness with anything that feeds our ego: whatever is "higher, bigger, or more" regarding the thing we crave. This sounds silly, but even in my small world of being a 55 year-old Christian writer, I wrestle with wanting to "be great." I want to "change the world for Christ!" This seems honorable, but then, I have learned that sometimes my underlying motives are sorta stinky. Do I want to be great for me? Or do I want to do great work for God? A question for us all to answer.
To put it bluntly, the definitions above are rather skewed when observing what Jesus has to say about greatness. He actually achieved ALL of the above definitions; after all, he is the King of kings! However, he willingly left his lofty throne, shed his royal robes, and entered into our mixed up world in order to show us a thing or two...
A day in the life of Jesus:
One day, Jesus was with his (messy, mixed up) disciples, and two in particular, James and John, were feeling pretty high and mighty. They boldly asked Jesus for the privilege of sitting on his right and left side when he came to power. (They mistakenly thought he would reign as an earthly king in their lifetime.) In a paraphrased nutshell, Jesus responded, "Sorry, brothers, you have no idea what you're talking about."
But then, in the same conversation, in order to make a dramatic point, Jesus went on to say (again paraphrased), "You want to be great? Then...serve."
The brothers most likely said, or maybe they just thought to themselves at this point, "What?! Serve? Are you crazy, Jesus?! We were wanting to sit down; to lord over; to have power; to be applauded, etc."
In this dialogue, listen to what the oh-so-patient Teacher said to the flustered brothers:
Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:43-44
Jesus served the sick, the poor, and the lost. Are these kinds of people in your way as you are on your road to self-paved greatness? Can you entertain the opposite; that they are in your way for a purpose? You may have been blessed with a significant title, or a powerful influence, or a lot of money. Wonderful! How can you use these gifts and abilities in regards to Jesus' definition of greatness? Choose to answer this question and then make an impact.
It is true that we are made in the image of God, but I don't believe it's for the purpose of sitting on HIS powerful throne which is reserved for him alone. We are to bear his image in the likeness of a servant. The more we understand and live by this fact, the GREATER impact we will make for his kingdom. Notice, our service to others impacts his kingdom.
In order to be about his kingdom, we must lay down "our kingdom."
So Lord, help us.
Change our thoughts about what it means to be great. When we start to climb that ladder, or to check those numbers, or to count our income, cause us to pause...and then help us to put these temporary and selfish ambitions down. Then make us determined to serve. We are YOUR image bearers! Put one person on our heart each day, and may your greatness be poured out from us into that individual. YOUR kingdom come, YOUR will be done, one person, one day, at a time. Amen.
Labor Day weekend is upon us.
People are either traveling to their long-weekend destinations, or they've made the conscious decision to put their pj's on and their feet up.
Either way, this extra day of reprieve is welcomed.
I just wanted to pause and say "thank you" to all the hard workers out there. You deserve the day off! And for those of you who are working on this holiday, you deserve a "double thank you!"
We're living in a time that a no-work-ethic is accepted, and even rewarded. In turn, this makes the day even harder for those who are choosing to get up and punch a clock.
Be encouraged; you are not going unnoticed. You are doing the right thing.
Even in a perfect world, work was the "right thing":
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Gen. 2:15). Adam and Eve got up in the morning and maintained the garden that God created. Work is in our DNA from the beginning. (Sadly, through Adam and Eve's disobedience, the curse of "thorns and thistles" entered their world, and we're still enduring it to this day, which makes work...HARD.)
True, work is hard! But it's also good.
I believe "getting your hands dirty" is a blessing.
It's character building.
It's mind stretching.
It's skill refining.
It's purpose finding.
It's social interacting.
It's personally gratifying.
And on a bigger and more impactful scale than status climbing, it can be God-glorifying...
So workers...Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. Ecclesiastes 9:10
From medical people to waitresses to teachers to musicians to ditch diggers to builders to firefighters to bankers, from blue collar to white collar, from stay-at-homers to downtown-office-goers...hats off to each of you!
Thank you for making your mark in this world.
Yes, all you laborers out there, enjoy your day off.
As I'm making my way through the Bible this year, Jeremiah is now "up" on my reading radar.
Hmmm, what a book so far. Once again, the contrast between God's desires for us and our own fleshly-desires are vast.
Here is a verse that caught my attention:
This is what the Lord said, "Stand at the crossroads and look, ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, "We will not walk in it." Jeremiah 6:16
In this verse I see the verbs:
stand
look
ask
walk.
Often, when making moment to moment choices or even longterm decisions, we skip over the first 3 verbs and just walk forward, doing what "feels" right.
Or ... we might take the time to stand, look, and ask, but if we don't get the answer we want, we justify our path-choice, or make up our own rules, and reply to our Loving God in just the same way the people in Jeremiah's day did: "We will not walk in it."
Let me tell you, things did not go well for the people in Jeremiah's day. We can learn from them!
Here are two blatant truths I gathered from this one verse this morning:
1. When we stand, look, ask, and then walk down God's path (which is laid out for us in his divine word), the result is REST for our SOULS. This does not mean we will have a trial free existence; but it does mean that we will have God-given-soul-rest (his peace) within us as we walk through our trials. I love how this truth is restated by Christ himself over 500 years later:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
2. By deduction, the opposite is true as well, when we choose to say to our loving God concerning his ancient words, "We will not walk in it" or, "Thank you God, but no thank you," we then forfeit what he longs to give us. In this case, we tend to trade soul-rest for anything that will either numb the pain or fleetingly satisfy.
My friend, which way are you headed?
Before going forward, how about we both take a few extra minutes today to stand, look, and ask God about our next steps? Let's be patient and listen for his answer. What does his timeless word say about your present-day decision?
And then, after he answers, let's walk together with our gentle and humble Savior, Jesus.
We all crave soul-rest, and there's only One who can give it.
Unclinch your fists...
Not too long ago in my morning quiet time, I came across a prayer written by Richard Foster, entitled "A Prayer of Relinquishment".
I wrote it down in my journal because, for me, it's a "keeper." The content of the prayer is simple yet profound, and can be prayed daily with new meaning behind each phrase.
Here is the prayer:
Today, O Lord, I yield myself to you.
May your will be my delight today.
May your way have perfect sway in me.
May your love be the pattern of my living.
I surrender to you my hopes, my dreams, my ambitions. Do with them what you will, when you will, as you will.
I place into your loving care my family, my friends, my future. Care for them with a care that I can never give.
I release into your hands
my need to control,
my craving for status,
my fear of obscurity.
Eradicate the evil, pacify the good, and establish your kingdom on earth.
For Jesus' sake. Amen.
Which line grabbed your attention?
When I first read it, I identified with these words, "I release into your hands...my fear of obscurity." Today, as I am typing, this particular line strikes a chord in my heart, "I place into your loving care my family, my friends, my future." Next time I pray this prayer, God will most likely highlight something else that needs tending to in my life. He's always working in me, pulling things to the surface so that I can bring my "stuff" (my worries, fears, doubts, wayward thoughts and actions, etc) to him. And how gracious and patient God is to help me open my hands back up, releasing it all, in full trust once again.
I encourage you to spend some time with the Lord today. Make a date and choose a quiet place to have a Heart-to-heart with him. Personalize this prayer. He will be delighted to listen to you, and as equally delighted to respond.
Unclinch your fists and relinquish whatever you're holding into the hands of your all knowing, all loving, almighty God.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor... Isaiah 6:9
Dear Lord,
You are all wise. You know exactly what we need. You want to direct us onto the right paths--every day, every decision. Forgive us when don't seek you first, but rather seek counsel elsewhere. Help us to be rooted in your word as well as receive wise instruction from those who walk with you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.