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Whew, adult-parenting is tough.
Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.
So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?
Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.
When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:
1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.
2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.
3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.
Be patient.
Be prudent.
Be prayerful.
Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.
I have a collection of manger scenes, some small, some large, all unique. I love getting them out each year and finding a special spot for them. For some reason, as I have looked at these over the last couple of weeks, my eyes have been drawn to the manger bed that holds the Christ-child. How strange to focus in on something so seemingly unimportant. Why not concentrate more on the angels and their glorious singing? Or the wise men and the shining star? Or even Mary and Joseph in their wonderment? Hmmm, the manger bed? What’s the point?
And then, it hit me. We, each one of us, are that simple but unique vessel that cradles Christ. Just as Jesus was laid in the humble feeding trough 2000 years ago, He has poured Himself into our hearts through His Spirit today. This truth is the Good News that the angels sang about! We, through faith in Him, have the opportunity to house His holiness. We are not the point, but we have the incredible privilege of holding the Answer to life so all can admire and behold the Point: Jesus.
This Christmas, and then forward, consider the indescribable gift we have been given: the humbled privilege of cradling the King of kings. Hold Him securely for yourself, and then lift Him up for others so they can behold their Savior.
And this will be a sign for you; you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths, and lying in a manger (Luke 2:12).
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not ourselves (2 corinthians 4:7).
As we are now in the thick of the holiday season, the propensity to be distracted by so many things increases by the day, so much so that we lose focus of the one thing we are celebrating (see Luke 10:41-42). Let’s face it, we are a frantic and frazzled people, all in the name of Christmas.
Today, I’m hoping to pull you back in with some pleasant and peaceful thoughts about the one thing we are celebrating, Jesus.
The first thought is the lead-in question: If you were asked to describe your core personality with two words, what would those words be? Wholesome and happy? Calm and collected? Eager and excitable? Passionate and powerful? Think about this question for a while, and really answer it.
Now for the second thought, the main question: Do you know the two words that Jesus used to describe Himself? It’s found tucked into some of the most familiar verses that we know as believers:
Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Mt. 11:28-29
Wow, Jesus, King of kings, called Himself…gentle. Jesus, Lord of lords, deemed Himself…humble.
The awesome paradox continues from Isaiah 9:6:
The Wonderful Counselor… left His holy throne room.
The Mighty God…was placed in a mother’s womb, and then into a feeding trough.
The Everlasting Father…walked the dusty streets of Jerusalem, and also washed feet.
The Prince of Peace…was smitten, stricken, and crowned with thorns.
This God-man emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…and He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Phil. 2:7-8
So today, my friend, think of the one thing that’s important, especially during this season. As you hit the ground runnin’ with your feet, keep the gentle and humble One tucked in your heart. He is the One that we are celebrating. Sing Him a song or two: a song of worship as King of all creation, followed by a song of thanksgiving as Savior of the world.
Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which translated means, “God with us.” Mt. 1:22
My interior decorator friend Madelaine and I have another wreath to add to our seasonal collection. All of these wreaths, Holiday Wreath of Hope, Winter Wreath of Peace, Spring Wreath of Grace, and Summer Wreath of Life, bear a spiritual significance to their intentional elements. Here is the Fall Wreath of Thankfulness:
We have much to be thankful for this season, and ALWAYS. The Lord Jesus fills our emptiness with His love! He teaches us through His word! He takes away our sin! He gives us His glory!Let's pass this truth along so others can join in this beautiful cycle of Life. Make a Fall Wreath of Thankfulness with a friend. Hang it on your door, and share its meaning to all those who enter your home. Rejoice in His abundant goodness.
My feelings cannot be trusted. One day I'm skipping along without a worry in the world; then the very next day, I might be carrying the weight of this world on my shoulders. Things that sway my emotions range from fatigue, hormones, outside circumstances, inner wrestlings, discouragement in the present, or fear of the future. If I operated from these feelings, I know I wouldn't be writing to you right now.By God's grace and patience, He has kindly grown me in His word, and for that I am grateful. Over time, meaning years of slow maturing, He has taught me to daily rely more on the FILLING of His word rather than the FEELING of my emotions. I'm getting stronger in this practice--mainly because I've had to practice it often! I am learning to not only fill up with His truth but also to claim it AS TRUTH, no matter how I feel at the moment.For example, I tend to deal with fear and discouragement that can easily spiral into a depressed spirit. UGH, it's like walking in thick fog sometimes; let me say UGH again! BUT, in this unpleasant place I am learning to speak promises that God has made to me in His word. The specific growth spurt I have had recently is that I am claiming these truths with more UMPH than I have in my past. God's word is true, and my feelings can be so very false. So, UMPH over UGH is my goal each time the fog sets in!"He lights my lamp; He illumines my darkness" (Psalm 18:28). One of my life verses is this: "Be strong and courageous, and act; do not fear nor be be dismayed; for the Lord God, my God is with you; He will not fail you nor forsake you..." (1 Chronicles 28:20). To put this to this filling- rather-than-feeling strategy to practice, I say something like, "God I may not feel You right now, but You promise that YOU ARE WITH ME, so I trust You to be here right this second." Or I might say, "God, I feel like You have walked out of this situation. I know that You promise me that YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME, so I trust that You are standing right here by my side. I'm leaning into Your strong support." No matter how I feel, no matter if my circumstances change or not, I'm determined, by faith, to stand steady in His strength, allowing the light of His word to fill my dark places--even if the dark stays dark in the realm of my emotions. My feelings may not change, but my mindset has been filled with His light.I'm still in the learning process, but I'm grateful for the growth thus far. I know that I will have the opportunity to battle again and again. I need Him, and He promises to hold my hand and walk by my side in the highs and lows, and in the sunshine and in the fog of my days. I believe and rely on this truth. Filling not feeling, it's a Way of Life. <>"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit"(Romans 15:13).
When we think of God's love, we tend to define it with human parameters by using personal relationships we have known and experienced. The thing is, even the best relationships have flaws. The good news it that God's love is perfect and it is beyond what we can ever humanly comprehend.The apostle Paul prays, "(I ask that) Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fulness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19)After studying the breath and length and height and depth of God's love in Scripture, my "human box definition" of His love was blown wide open. Here is the measure of God's love for you and for me:
God's love is the stimulus that created the world.
God's love is the motive in which Jesus came to the world.
God's love is the reason that Jesus gave up His life on the cross.
God's love is the authority in which Jesus was raised from the dead.
Gods love is the means in which His Spirit was poured into our hearts.
God's love is the fuel that turns our faith into action.
God's love is the inspiration that compels US to love like Him.
God's love is the incentive in which Jesus will come back for us.
God's love is the perfect heartbeat that we will obtain forever.
This is the love that surpasses knowledge. It may not be comprehensible, but it is receivable. It might be beyond our human knowledge, but it is not beyond our hearts of faith. When received, His love makes every heart both colorful and purposeful.Believe that you are loved by God in Christ Jesus, my friend! Actually, believe that you are beyond loved.(The photo above was taken at Soul Sisters Retreat, where we all experienced God's love in a powerful way!)
I'm not sure why, but early this morning as I was sipping my coffee quietly, an out-of-the-blue question came to my mind: "What's the benefit of being a Christian?" Within 10 seconds, I came up with 5 reasons why I have chosen, by grace, to walk this daily path.
Read and rest in these truths with me:
Benefit 1: I have a place to "put my junk." So much of the time, the things I think, say, or do are just plain wrong, and I know it. The cross of Christ is the place I can pour out my mess, and then walk away clean. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9
Benefit 2: I have a Wise Counselor. And, boy, do I need Him! The wonderful thing about Jesus is: He's always available, He's always right, and He's always free. Truly, His Word is flawless. With Him are wisdom and might; to Him belong counsel and understanding. Job 12:13
Benefit 3: I have a bigger purpose than myself. God wants more for me than this culture's unending, life-draining rat race. Instead, He desires to fill me with His incomprehensible love, and then in turn, He asks me to pour it out all over others. THIS is the true, adventurous, fulfilling life! Get yourself up on a high mountain... bearer of good news. Lift your voice mightily… bearer of good news; lift it up, do not fear. Say to (the people), "Here is your God!" Isaiah 40:9
Benefit 4: I have hope. When, not if, but when, life doesn't make sense, I can trust that God knows what He is doing. If I allow Him to work, then my trials can become the fertile soil of His blossoming glory so those around me will marvel and wonder why I have inexplicable strength, peace, and even joy. Now may the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Benefit 5: I am going to live forever. This life is a passing vapor compared to what is ahead for those who call Jesus Savior and Lord. For those who doubt eternal life, let me ask you this: If even man desires to end most of our entertainment with a "happily ever after" closure, why would God, creator of man, end life with disease, death, and decay? No, He is a much more redemptive Author than that! Blessed be God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you. I Peter 1:3-4
Believer or non-believer, ponder these God-breathed blessings and then consider agreeing with each one with a praising shout, "Amen!" Yes, today and tomorrow and forever, let us all rejoice in His rich benefits.
And this is the promise that he made to us--eternal life. 1 John 2:25
Dear Lord Jesus,
You came to us! And you promise that all who trust in your life, death and resurrection will be granted eternal life! Son of God, thank you for taking away our sins so that we can enter into this holy communion. There is no greater gift. Amen.