The Intertwining of Sorrow and Joy

Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I felt a gently pulling and heart's desire to go out to our land where our grandson is buried. On this day in particular, I wanted to declare Truth over where we laid him. I just needed to do it. I'll count it as part of my personal journey of grief...

‍

It's amazing how I can be both sorrowful and joyful at the same time. I am finding out that in Christ, these diametrically opposed emotions are intertwined with his love; together like a braid, I am surrounded by both his healing and his hope. I'm learning to walk in it...to allow God in...to hold me...and to guide me.

‍

So I followed the small nudging and went out to our land. Standing there with a broken heart, I let the tears fall for our little Brave, who lived 36 weeks in his momma's womb. I grieved one more time a life we will not get to see unfold. However, as I let the tears roll out and down, I also raised my hands in triumph concerning our Savior, declaring the greatest seven words in all of history, "He is not here, but has risen." (Luke 24:6) Because of this truth, I too know, Brave "is not here!" By God's grace and mercy through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, our Brave Lives!

I believe with all my heart the words of Jesus when he said, "I am the resurrection and the life." (John 11: 25) So in the field we call the Hollow, next to a small grave, I declared out loud this victory in full faith to myself, to the Enemy, and most especially to my God, Author of every heartbeat and Giver of Life Eternal.

‍

I stood there, with my empty arms outstretched. Weeping and rejoicing.

‍

And my intimate God, who is always so timely, allowed his wind to pick up and blow a powerful gust, making the "trees of the field clap their hands," as if he himself were applauding and saying to me personally, "Well done and Amen."

‍

I wish I could say I went home and all that remained of my emotions was joy, but that's not the way of grief. I cried a lot this Easter. Sorrow persists.

‍

But I can also say this from even a deeper place: in Christ, joy ultimately wins.

‍

This morning, still wrestling, I sat with the Lord and he kindly brought me again to the Easter story. The women were standing in bewilderment outside the tomb. After the angels declared that Jesus was not there, they said this to the women, "Remember how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise." And they remembered his words. Luke 24: 7-8

‍

And they remembered his words.

‍

What words of Jesus do I need to remember today?

‍

This verse immediately came to mind because we claimed it 6 months ago, to this very day, when we lost our Brave:

‍Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. John 12:24

‍

Yes, I want to remember Jesus' words. I will cling to his promises. I will believe that Brave's death will speak Life...bearing much fruit for the kingdom of God. This is my ultimate heart's desire.

‍

Today I will remember his words, and I will let joy win.

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍

‍