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Respite For the Weary
Whew, adult-parenting is tough.
Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.
So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?
Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.
When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:
1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.
2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.
3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.
Be patient.
Be prudent.
Be prayerful.
Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.
After almost three years of waiting, wondering if I would be able to have more children, my son Davis was born. The experience of having two miscarriages had actually birthed within me a more grateful heart. God's goodness showed up as I held this tangible bundle of love. In fact, my "lullaby song" to him as an infant and toddler became "God is so Good." Each nap time and also when I put him down at night, I would hold Davis in my arms, and sing softly in his ear:
God is so good,
God is so good,
God is so good,
He's so good to me.
Whenever I hear this song now, I can't help but think of God's faithfulness through this trial and the sweetness of his gift, in his choice time.
...Fast forward almost 28 years. Davis is "all grown up" now. Joys and trials are all mixed in his life journey, and of course, as his momma, I have experienced the emotion of it all. His story continues, as it does in each of our lives.
I'm thrilled to say he has found himself a Jesus-lovin' woman whom he will marry next month! Do you know how many years I've prayed for Acacia, not knowing her name?
Only a couple of weeks ago, I went to a bridal shower for her in Orlando, Florida. The weekend was jammed packed full of wedding planning, meeting her friends, seeing the venue, talking through the ceremony, and more! On Sunday morning of this fast-paced weekend, we paused for a bit and went to the church where she and Davis met.
There, after God's word was taught, it was time to worship. And as I stood by my future-daughter-in-law, with the music playing, her heart and hands in lifted high to our faithful God, a song began to play, none other than:
God is so good,
God is so good,
God is so good,
He's so good to me.
Right there in the church row, I had a personal moment with my full-circle God. He took me back and he brought me forward. 28 years in one stanza.
God loves to do that, you know--to bring us back to a place of remembrance so that we can worship him in the present all the more.
This happens all through Scripture. We see it with Moses. The very mountain that he saw the burning bush is the very place where he brought the Israelites to worship after they crossed the Red Sea. Full Circle God.
And of course, we see it with Jesus. He left his rightful throne; he came to earth; he fulfilled his purpose; he gave us his Spirit; and he went back to his throne in heaven. Full Circle God.
So as I stood there by Acacia, I worshiped in the moment, while also seeing the little baby I once held, thanking the Lord for the small gift that grew, and then, my lullaby whisper became a shout of praise:
God is so good,
God is so good,
God is so good,
He's so good to me.
I love my Full Circle God.
It's been 34 years since I said "yes" to my man.
He had just pulled an all-nighter as a medical resident in a Memphis hospital. I had driven from Jackson, MS to visit him for the weekend in his home town, Hernando, where he was temporarily staying at his parents.
We were sitting on his grandmother's porch swing next door...
A small country town,
a white farm house,
a definite southern charm.
We were swinging slow; I was hoping much.
There were no hidden photographers, no cell phones in our hands, no thought of recording the event,
just him... and me...and a ring in his pocket.
After some small talk about nothing and then large talk about big things, he then quoted Proverbs 18:22: He who finds a wife finds a good thing...
Then, he got on one knee and told me something--I don't remember what it was, but it was sweet.
The next question was only 4 words, but at the same time, it was life-altering. After only 3 months of dating him, Mac asked, "Will you marry me?"
Wow, I had waited for this;
I had dreamt about this,
and here I was, living this!
Of course I said "yes," not in the least bit knowing what that meant other than a ring on my finger and an "I do" at the altar.
My dreams hadn't gone past my wedding day.
We got up from the porch swing and knocked on his Mimi's screen door. She was the first one to see the ring; the first to hug us; the first to congratulate us. It was a memorable celebration of three.
Shortly afterwards, I was met with an embrace from Mac's mama who was waiting at their house. I remember her saying, with her thick southern accent and deep rooted faith, that she had been praying for me, Mac's future wife, for years, and she was so thankful that God answered her prayer through me.
Those life-giving words filled my cup, and they didn't cost a dime.
The good news spread...by the house telephone that was attached to a wall. Excitement was in the air rather than on a feed.
Wedding plans were made, mostly by my task-oriented mama, some specifics by my dreamy self. Next came showers and gifts, southern style. (Anybody need a sliver tray, silver tea set, silver place settings?)
And so, just like that, we were married in my growin'-up-church in Jackson, MS, six months later to the day.
Mac and I have come a long way together these 34 years.
Lots of life. Lots of growth. Lots of change.
It's a different world than way back when I said "yes" to my man.
But if he were to ask me to marry him again now, I would hope he would do it the exact same way.
Just him...and me, and a ring in his pocket.
Overthinking is under-trusting. This phrase came to me in the wee hours of the morning as I was tossing and turning over something HUGE in my life. Ironically, I now don’t even remember the reason for my fretting. At the time, however, I was all twisted up, both in my bedcovers and in my mind as I took turns playing the ShouldI/ Shouldn’t I and What if games. I’m not only the queen of second-guessing,I’m the queen of 222nd-guessing.
When I toss and turn, I’m like that double-minded individual that’s mentioned in Scripture who asks for wisdom but doubts when receiving it. “For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James1:7-8).
What is the remedy to these unnecessary wrestling matches within my mind? Here are three thoughts that helped me remember where to turn:
1. Choose to trust God’s promises.
It’s one thing to know God’s promises, but it’s another thing to believe them. In times of confusion, will I cling to God’s truth or will I hold onto my fabrications? Questions such as these: What if I’m making a mistake in this decision, or, Did I really hear from God, can be replaced with promises such as this: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you”(Psalm 32:8). In this verse alone, God is promising to instruct me…to teach me… to counsel me. So instead of twirling with anxiety, I can repeatedly thank him for these promises and then walk confidently by faith in his leading.
2. Choose to trust God’sSpirit.
I confess: I tend to overthink his Spirit. Sadly, this fleshly pause can sometimes lead to complete withdrawal. When God’s whisper enters my heart, nudging me to do his will, my choice is to either press forward in faith or shrink back in fear. Even if I happen to be “mis-hearing”him, can I not trust my Good Shepherd enough to lead me back onto his right path? Certainly, I can! He is that good. I must remember, God looks at my faith-filled heart, rather than my flawless steps.
3. Choose to trust wise friends and mentors.
These carefully selected people can help confirm God’s truth in my life. Sharing my thoughts with those who will listen, encourage, advise, and pray is a built-in blessing from God. He knows we need each other!
With these things in place, no moreover-thinking! No more tossing and turning with needless mind-games! Instead, fully trust! Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. (Jeremiah 17:7). It’s time for me to follow God’s lead without hesitation.
Will you join me? We’ve got kingdom work to do—no doubt about it.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your living word and your abiding Spirit. Thank you for wise friends and mentors that you have placed in my life. In times of over-thinking, help me to recall your truths and trust your voice. Keep my heart in line with yours and make my footsteps firm. I want to move forward in faith every single day, confidently living for you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
It’s only been a little over a month since the tragic Covenant shootings in Nashville, and it seems as if life has moved on for most of us
…but not for all of us.
Let’s keep our friends who are still suffering such great loss in our prayers. Life is forever changed for them.
As I’ve been praying over the parents, spouses, and loved ones in this tragedy, the Lord brought to my mind and resurfaced a poem I wrote in 2009 about another tragic loss of a young child. So, following the Lord’s lead, I went to my “writing cabinet” and dug it up.
It’s entitled “Holding onto Life”. I’m sharing it today as a reminder and a prayer.
For all those who have lost a loved one to a tragedy, hear Jesus whisper to your heart:“I’m holding you both.”
“Holding onto Life”
O my
O, my God
O, my God, no!
A heart of sorrow, tears of pain-
This, my God, is more than a sting.
Where’s the victory? Where’s the hope?
No, no, no, I cannot cope.
Holding onto life, holding onto life,
Holding onto Life, Holding onto Christ…
He gently whispers, “I’m holding you both.”
A heart of sadness, tears remain,
An earthly loss for a heavenly gain-
And this is the story that You wrote?
Reassure my heart, You love “the most.”
Holding onto life, holding onto life,
Holding onto Life, Holding onto Christ…
He sweetly whispers, “I’m holding you both.”
A heart of aching, tears make stains,
Tears of anguish well up again-
I’m trusting, trusting—the Living Hope.
Holding onto life, holding onto life,
Holding onto Life, holding onto Christ…
He softly whispers, “I’m holding you both.”
A heart of longing, tears untamed,
Release, hold on, release again-
Remind me he's with you, singing:
“Holding onto Life! Holding onto Life!
Holding onto Life! Holding onto Christ!”
While I cling to your words, “I’m holding you both.”
O my
O, my God
O my God, help me say… "Yes."
I love how God uses all of his creation to speak both practical and spiritual lessons into our lives.
For example in Proverbs (ch. 30), he tells us to observe the ants, the badgers, the locusts, the lizards, the lion, the strutting cock, and the male goat.
Amazingly, all have something to teach us.
The butterfly is no exception.
First of all, we must consider that this living spectacle starts its life as a little green caterpillar. The unassuming creature then wraps itself tightly in a silk cocoon. In this quiet place, something marvelous takes place:
the eyes grow larger, and the intricate wings and antennae begin to blossom into maturity.
And then, at just the right time, the new creation breaks free.
The dash of color lifts and lands, lifts and lands, bringing its color to the world.
The lesson for us is simple and obvious:
Have you ever felt "cocooned" at times in your life?
Insignificant. Void of color. No evidence of movement. Wondering about your purpose and questioning God's plan.
Then consider the butterfly.
Allow your Creator to come and wrap his love around you;
sit with him; rest with him, alone, and acknowledge the strong and trustworthy hold he has on you.
Ask him to change your impatient heart into a peaceful one, and allow him to work His purpose into your "wings".
Be submissive to his divine work in you.
Believe that what he has started, he will also complete.
And when its time...trust that he will open a passageway and ask you to fly in freedom,
bringing his dashes of color to this dark world.
Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. II Corinthians 5:17
Do you sometimes feel hopeless when it comes to getting your "act together" as a Christian?
You think you've failed the Lord miserably, or destroyed your witness thoroughly, or messed up his plans completely.
Well, you're in good company.
Let me remind you of Jesus' disciple, Peter.
He was a young fisherman by trade, and had a "pistol" of a personality.
Peter was the one that spoke BEFORE he thought.
He also was the one who jumped out of the boat to walk on water.
And...he reactively chopped off a Roman soldier's ear.
And then, on one of his worst days, he denied his best Friend three times.
Words to describe him would be spontaneous, impulsive, and immature.
It's safe to say that he didn't have his "act together."
But the good news is this: Jesus chose Peter, as is. While on the earth, Jesus walked with Peter, talked with Peter, corrected Peter, encouraged Peter, and affirmed Peter. What gives me great hope is that the God-man was able to see this young follower not only "as is", but also what he was going to be.
Peter was a work-in-progress.
And goodness, how he did progress! We can find the rest of Peter's faith-walk in the book of Acts, where the Holy Spirit entered in and transformed him. Amazingly, the same man that shouted, "I don't know Him!" and ran for his life the night Jesus was betrayed, later became the man that took his stand (Acts 2:14) and proclaimed Him as the resurrected Lord and Savior. As a result, about three thousand were added to their number that day (Acts 2:41). And that was just the beginning of his ministry! We can observe how he matured into a great leader through reading his God-inspired letters, 1 and 2 Peter.
Peter's growth that spanned over decades of his life should encourage us!
Jesus CHOSE him when he was not much older than an out-of-control teenager. But through the grace of our Savior, and the power of His Spirit, God did great things in and through him.
And He will do the same with any willing heart.
Don't give up. Allow God's word to mature you and his Spirit to mold you, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.
Take hope in the fact that you are His beautiful work-in-progress.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor... Isaiah 6:9
Dear Lord,
You are all wise. You know exactly what we need. You want to direct us onto the right paths--every day, every decision. Forgive us when don't seek you first, but rather seek counsel elsewhere. Help us to be rooted in your word as well as receive wise instruction from those who walk with you. In Jesus' Name, Amen.