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Whew, adult-parenting is tough.
Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.
So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?
Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.
When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:
1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.
2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.
3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.
Be patient.
Be prudent.
Be prayerful.
Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.
While I was walking the country roads the other day with my friend, I spotted a stagnant pool of water. It had just rained heavily the day before so a flowing stream was actively moving right alongside of this mirky pool.
Because I am a visual learner, I love to picture Scripture. Jesus tells us: He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, "From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.' (John 7:37) Ahh, did you catch the words "flow" and "living"? When we claim Christ as our Savior through faith, His very-much-alive Spirit enters in! He takes up residence within us; in Him we live and move and exist (Acts 17:28).
The question I posed to myself (and now to you) as I looked at the active stream flowing next to the stagnant pool was, "Which one am I?" and, "How do I keep living and moving and existing in Him?". The answer is not a complex one. As a matter of fact, it makes perfect sense: His living word is our living water. Just as we literally drink water for our physical bodies to operate efficiently on a day to day basis, our souls, too, need daily spiritual doses of His living and active word (Hebrews 4:12). Let us choose to drink and drink and drink!
We drink by reading His word. Then we meditate on it, believe it, and obey it through the power of the Holy Spirit. Reading it only, and not applying the other basic principals is like taking a sip of water and not swallowing it. After a while, it becomes a stagnant pool resting in one's mouth, supplying no benefit to the body whatsoever. His word and His Spirit are meant to move us in ways and measures beyond what we ourselves can imagine. My friends, drink (read) ...and swallow (meditate, believe, obey), because if you do, your life will resemble a flowing stream, powerfully living, peacefully moving, and beautifully existing.
When thinking of the age-old Christmas story, one of the most familiar portions of Scripture is when the angel greets the shepherds in the darkness of the night. This passage is read so repeatedly each year that the event becomes a common scene in our minds. But goodness, how uncommon this real-life event must have been! First, one angel, then, a host of angels suddenly appeared, proclaiming the promise that had been held behind a divinely closed curtain for thousands of years. Yes, the wait of the great reveal had been put on sovereign hold since Adam and Eve's exit from the garden.
God's people suffered much, but they held onto the hope of their future Messiah. Here is only one of the many promises:
The people who walk in darkness will see a great light; those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them...For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; and the government will rest of His shoulders; and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:2,6)
This particular promise came 700 years before the fulfillment of it. Here is a challenge for you and for me: at some time in the busyness of this celebratory holiday, let's take 7 uninterrupted minutes to sit quietly and...wait. Might I suggest to wait in the darkness of a silent night? While waiting, add faith, add hope, add love. His promise is for you too.
And now...join the shepherds. Put yourself there on the hillside with them:
And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them...and said, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in clothes and lying in a manger." And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.” (Luke 2:9-14)
The long awaited suddenly happened. Jesus, the anticipated Promise, appeared.
He is the only valid answer to this sometimes weary, sometimes confusing, sometimes sorrowful life. In Christ, you never have to wait without hope.
Good news, He is the answer to eternal life as well. One more time, there will be another long awaited suddenly. In the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet…we will be changed (1 Cor. 15:52).
Until then and while waiting, take time to see His glory in the quietness of your Silent Night.
My friend and interior decorator Madelaine Singleton and I just got back from Mississippi and Florida where we presented the Christmas Wreath of Hope to a few local groups. Through Scripture, I told the purposeful meaning behind each decorative element that Madelaine used in her wreath demonstration. It was a pleasure to share this symbolic message. As we journeyed along together, we jokingly called ourselves the “Tell and Show” show.
My talk was packed with God’s word, and Madelaine’s teaching was detailed, but below are the 5 basic wreath instructions along with their truths. After reading, who knows, you might be inspired to hang a Wreath of Hope on your own front door!
1. Start with a GRAPEVINE WREATH. These barren branches represents our life without Christ. Jesus says, I am the vine you are the branches…apart from Me, you can do nothing. John 15:5
2. Add RED RIBBON. This ribbon represents the blood of Christ that He shed on our behalf, His life for ours. When John saw Jesus coming toward him, he cried out, Behold the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world! John 1:29
3. Insert GREENERY (from your yard or from Michael’s). The green branches represent the new life that Christ brings. He cares for us, and He grows us. Jesus said, I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10
4. Add RED BERRIES. These colorful berries represent the fruit that Christ followers bear from knowing and walking with Him each day. Jesus says, He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit. John 15:5
5. Add TWINKLING LIGHTS. These small lights represent the hope of Christ that lives inside of us through His Spirit. Scripture says, Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
The Wreath of Hope is now complete! However, let me mention that the circular shape even has meaning. The life we are living now is only half of the story; it is our “wilderness wandering” that Jesus graciously enters into to be with us. But the story is not over. Someday we will be WITH HIM, forever. Rest in this familiar promise, For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16
This Christmas, make a wreath with your friends or with your children and share its meaning. We now have really good reason to decorate!
My sister Peggy Lively and I just completed our 16th marathon in our 16th state. We have high hopes of completing one in all 50 states. We are often asked, "Why in the world are y'all doing this crazy thing?". Honestly, we just fell into it. Maybe I shouldn't use the word "fall" when talking about marathons. But truly, we've sorta gone into this adventure blindly (hmmm, another poor word for safely accomplishing 26.2 miles). Before my first marathon, I had never run in ANY race. Well, I do remember the three-legged race on field day in elementary school, and that wasn't very pretty, at all. Peggy and I can't explain it; something came over the both of us at the same time and within only minutes, we both decided to "just do it". And so, the 50 marathons in 50 states began.
With this being number "sweet sixteen", I took a moment to think about the marathons to date, and these are the things we have gained in this journey:
Togetherness. Our marathon weekends, believe it or not, are therapeutic for the both of us. We cover a lot of ground even sitting in our hotel room as we listen to each other's triumphs and trials of life. We laugh a lot, and we cry too. Also, throughout the weekend and the race, we pray for the particular state we are in. We pray for ministries, schools, communities, government, marriages, and families. The 26.2 miles cover not only the roads within the cities we walk, but our words reach heaven's throne with fervent faith. These extra long treks have helped me understand the meaning of "persevering in prayer" (from Eph. 6:18), and it helps me stay the course when I get back home.
Outreach. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds" (Hebrews 10:24). Both Peggy and I have come to realize that the marathon weekends are about much more than the 5 1/2 hour-ish trek on marathon day. It's about the people we meet (airplane passengers, hotel managers, marathon participants) and the friends and family we visit (old neighbors, nieces and nephews, ministry partners). I will not be able to express in a small paragraph the giant things God has done in and through our travels. Our hopeful goal each time we go to these cities is to spread the love of Christ and encourage others in their own personal journey. Just like a marathon, life is not a feel-good-all-the-time-experience, and if Peggy and I can help encourage someone even a little bit, we call it a successful weekend. In our different travels, we've met complete strangers and they are now dear friends. We've reconnected with people from years past. As a result, the blessings of these relationships have been immense. I'm excited for what's in store.
Adventure. I must add here that our dear mother sends Peggy and me off with some spending money each and every trip. Bless her for making these trips doable. She supports "our mission", which is real simple: live full, love well, and pray much. With that being said, who knew we would go to a World Series game in St.Louis, or see the Grand Canyon in AZ, or peer out into the Atlantic ocean in Maine, or go to the Dairy Queen in North Dakota? That's pretty awesome for this introvert who loves her comfy chair in the confines of her own four walls! I'm thankful for each of these trips and eager for more. God knew I needed to GET UP and GO FORWARD...to His people and to His world. I'm thankful for the privilege.
I finish these memorable moments with an encouraging word for your very own marathon of life. Hear the Forerunner say:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
In naming this new blog-site, friends have asked, "Why this title? Don't you think it might be a little difficult to find?" I fully realize "respite" is not a common word, nor an easy one to spell. However, the Lord laid this name, "Respite for the Weary," on my heart long before I knew I would have a blog-site (or even before I knew what a blog-site was for that matter).
I would like to break down the title for you to further define its meaning. So, here goes:Respite --break, breather, interval, intermission, interlude, lull, pause, time-out, relief, repose, let-upfor the Weary--tired, worn out, exhausted, fatigued, sapped, burnt-out, dog-tired, spent, drained, ready to drop, bushed, worn to a frazzle, pooped, tuckered outDo any of these weary words describe you? I think I would have picked sapped this morning (I'm still getting over the flu-like symptoms that I wrote about in My Very First Post).I can safely compare "life" to running a marathon because the Bible makes this same analogy in Hebrews 12. Life is ongoing--lots of delights, but yet, lots of drudges too. My ongoing challenge is to hold onto the "daily greats" that are (sometimes hidden) within the daily grinds. My desire is for this place, this blog, to be a small breather for the fatigued. Because when you get a pause, you can re-focus and jump back in, refreshed and ready for the next portion of your marathon. Don't give up, sister; we're in this life-run together.My goal is to take you to the one true Respite, God's Word. I pray that the Lord would use me to present His Word simply, and that you would savor His sweetness. I pray that I would teach His word truthfully, and that you would breathe in His fresh air. I pray that I would encourage you directly, and that you would drink in His living water. He will sustain you each and every step--that's a promise found in Psalm 55:22.So keep running, my friend, but not without taking an interval of peace from the chaos that daily bombards your schedule. Be still enough to hear His voice say, "Come to Me...". He has what you need.It is for this reason, I quietly invite you to this specific blog-site, with this specific name, Respite for the Weary.His peace empowers,Chris
Recently, I read two passages of Scripture that had the same idea in it, yet their meaning was completely opposite.
The first phrase is found in I Samuel 16:49 which speaks of David killing the giant Goliath:
And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone and slung it and struck the Philistine on his forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.
The second phrase that caught my attention was when I flipped to the passage found in Ezekiel 1:26-28 which gives details of the prophet’s personal encounter with the glory of God:
…there was the likeness of a throne, in appearance like sapphire; and seated above the likeness of a throne was a likeness with a human appearance…and there was brightness around him. Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain…such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. And when I saw it, I fell on my face, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
How interesting…same posture of both the giant and the prophet, yet one face planted due to pride and the other due to humbled awe.
I guess the hard question I have to ask myself is this: which one of these men am I like in every day life? Do I call my own shots, make my own judgments, and plow forward with my own head-strong plans like Goliath intended to do? Or do I sit long enough with the Lord to meditate on His majesty, that is marvelously transposed with His mercy, to where the only thing I can do is, like Ezekiel, fall on my face in response to His glory and grace?
As we know, things did not end well with the prideful giant. Enough said. But with the humble prophet, bowing low was just the beginning:
And he said to me, “Son of man, stand on your feet and I will speak to you.” And as he spoke to me, the Spirit entered into me and set me on my feet…” (Ezekiel 2:1)
May you and I be more like Ezekiel today. Let’s bow before our Creator and wait to hear His voice. And then, when we do hear him, let’s be ready to stand on our feet and do exactly what He says, filled with His power, doing all for His glory.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. James 4:10
And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God , God abides in him, and he in God. 1 John 4:14-15
Dear Lord God,
Thank you for sending your Son into the world. He is the one and only true Savior! Jesus, thank you for taking away our sin and also giving us your Spirit. Because of you, we have been born again to a living hope that is both alive today and lasts forever. We praise you for this indescribable gift. Amen.