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Whew, adult-parenting is tough.
Whew, nobody forewarned me about "adult children." The term alone is an oxymoron. Our kids are "all gown up," out there in the world, but our hearts are as bound to them as when we were holding them in our arms as infants.
So, how do we love them well at this juncture in their lives?
Having been in this stage now for over a decade, with two children in the 20's and two in their 30's, plus gaining 3 more children with their respective spouses, I have had plenty of opportunity to experience trial and error in parenting on this journey. Along with their triumphs and blessings each child has also gone through heartache, hardship, and loss in some way. (One year in particular was even labeled "the year of tears" by two of my children. A tough year for sure.) Watching them go through these things is hard on a momma's heart.
When looking at this journey in an overarching way, I have 3 insights that God continues to remind me when navigating my adult children's highs and lows:
1. Be patient. I must remember that God is not done. He is always working. When I think of my own life-experience as a 20-30 year-old, I marvel at both my immaturity and insecurity. But this is where God met me. He was gracious and compassionate in my toddler-like-walk with him. He used my circumstances (dashed dreams as an athlete, loneliness as a resident's wife, sadness of 2 miscarriages, drama in my family of origin) to cause me to run to him. He wooed me to his love. He used ALL of these things to mature me, showing me that he is my ALL in ALL. I must remember and take hope that he will do the same for each one of my children.
2. Be prudent. Set healthy boundaries...no helicoptering. I've learned that when they are ready, they'll talk. I need to be a safe place for them to share their heart, listening first, all the while praying for the Lord to speak his wisdom through me. I must resist the strong temptation to fix it for them, whatever "it" is. The best thing I can ever do for them is to point them to Jesus. His word is life-giving in every way.
3. Be prayerful. Prayer is never wasted time, whereas worry is only that. So I must remember to keep prayer as a daily priority; my words to God about my children are loving my children in supernatural ways. This morning I was convicted to get on my knees for one of my adult children in particular. God can do things that I certainly cannot! Ask without doubting and wait expectantly for his answers. Don't forget to thank him when and how he chooses to answer. Share with your children all that you see that God is doing in their lives. It will strengthen their faith.
Be patient.
Be prudent.
Be prayerful.
Your adult children are a beautiful work in progress, as are we.
Spring has sprung indeed! New life is everywhere we look, bursting with both beauty and good news. With that being said, Madelaine Singleton and I have our third seasonal wreath to share: the Spring Wreath of Grace. Each element bears a spiritual significance. Here are easy instructions to create a meaningful wreath for yourself:
God's grace abounds...from death to life to blossoming growth to His presence within us...forever. All of this is an undeserved gift from our loving Savior Jesus who paid the price for us. May your Spring Wreath of Grace be a blessing to you and all those who see it.
Here is a gentle reminder for the Easter and Wedding season.
Looking for a gift that encourages a loved one in the Word and in their walk?
The Heartbeat of God daily devotional and 25 Years, 25 Lessons in Marriage
can be purchased from Amazon through my website; just press the MY BOOKS tab.
Thank you and be blessed.
I have to say, Spring is my favorite season! However, when October rolls around, you might find me saying the same thing about fall. It’s a beautiful toss-up between the two.
In the cold silence of the long winter, it seems as if nothing is happening underneath the ground, no life, no fruit; everything is bare and bleak. But now, as the days are getting longer, the sun is shining brighter, and faint shades of color are attempting to make their entrance from the bushes and the trees, a bud appears, and there’s hope! Something was happening underneath the grave silence after all! Once again, God uses His creation to speak words of truth to our hearts…let’s take hope in what God is doing in our lives “behind the scenes”.
Are you in a place of waiting right now? Do you feel like there is no progress in your ongoing quiet struggle? I encourage you to look at the buds on a tree limb or flower. Learn from their beauty. Study how intriguing this stage is: a vessel of expectancy, a compression of hope, a bowl of pending brilliance. The bud is not quite developed enough to make its grand entrance onto Spring’s stage. The finishing touches of growth need to take place in its protective capsule. Underdeveloped, forced blossoming would only rob the flower of its deserved performance. Learn from the bud of a flower. Rest, mature, be patient; your time is coming.
As you wait to “blossom”, hear the Lord speak His truth to you:
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me, you can do nothing. John 15:4-5
You are not alone in your maturing capsule, my friend. Your Creator is with you and knows exactly the right time for you to blossom.
Trust Him in the waiting, and then flourish in His most glorious appointed time.
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.
Psalm 62:5
I came across a very familiar story in the book of Mark and it caught my interest again, but in a new way.
The disciples were in a boat arguing with each other over which one of them forgot to pack the lunch for the trip; all they had with them in the boat was one loaf of bread…
…and Jesus.
Interestingly, Jesus, only hours before this boat-ride with his buddies, had miraculously fed 4,000 people with a mere seven loaves of bread. All the people ate and were satisfied. Jesus’ questions now to his hungry disciples were as follows,
Why are you talking about having no bread?
Do you still not see or understand?
Are your hearts hardened?
Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear?
And don’t you remember? (Mark 8: 17-19).
I am convicted by these questions because so often I am like the disciples: grumbling, doubting, not understanding, and forgetting. I’m thankful for the Lord’s patience towards the disciples, and I’m thankful for His patience towards me. Through this true story, He is teaching me to simply “be in the same boat with Him.” Just rest. He’s the Know It All, I’m not.
As I have envisioned this picture, I have found myself worrying less about the problems that I’m holding in my lap, and contemplating more on the One who is sailing along with me. This One happens to be the Creator of the sun and sky, and the Commander of the wind and the waves. And this One is sitting by my side? How Majestic and Merciful at the same time. With these thoughts, my heart softens, my eyes see more clearly, my ears hear more distinctly, and I begin to understand. Jesus is Lord of All!
As a result, the answers to His questions are met with my declarations:
*To even be in the same boat with Jesus is an honor. It is amazing grace.
*I must not forget who He is, nor forget the great things He has already done.
*I must keep my eyes fixed on Him, not on my problems at hand; because when the Captain of my boat has my heart’s devotion and my mind’s attention, He can then do impossible things through my simple loaf of bread.
During the holiday season, Madelaine Singleton and I presented a wreath that bore spiritual significance with each of its elements. (See my post: Christmas Wreath of Hope). Now, we would like to share our Winter Wreath of Peace. Our hope is that you can easily construct one for yourself and be reminded every day of God's life-giving truths even in the midst of the cold and barren winter months.
After assembling your wreath, hang it on your front door or over your mantle so you can be reminded of God's promises even when times seem both bleak and barren. Allow His gentle and kind Spirit to enter in both your heart and your home and be willing to share His good news with all those who admire your Winter Wreath of Peace. It is your very own memorial to the Lord. Savor the sight, and embrace its truths.
For some reason, I have had a picture on my mind, one that I drew years ago for my kids when they were all "in the nest". I dug it up from a journal and want to share it today in hopes that it is a blessing to you. The verse that goes with this picture is Matthew 23:37:
Jesus said, "How often I wanted to gather you children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings...".
Other verses to visualize concerning "His wings" are these:
He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4
For You are my help; I will sing of joy in the shadow of Your wings. Psalm 63:7
After thinking about these verses, can I just rest in the fact that I am a "little chick in a big barn yard" who has the sweet opportunity to be pulled inside and protected underneath the warm wings of a mighty "mother hen"? There I will find both peace and joy; there the clamor stops and the security starts. Why do I sometimes choose to go chirping about in blind forgetfulness, turning this way and that, anxious for nothing? What else "out there" could be more inviting than the blessings found underneath His wonderful wings?
We get pulled out by so many distractions and temptations. Let us refocus out gaze on our Provider, the One that loves us most, even more than we love ourselves. He knows us best, and gives us what we need, when we need it. His best is there for the taking...underneath His wings. The movement with Him is the movement that brings us most life, not the self-scampering we tend to do alone out in the far corner of the barnyard.
With this image in mind, little chicks, let's choose to chirp out loud a prayer in unison today:
Dear Lord, Thank you for your loving care that is found underneath Your merciful and mighty wings. Cause our hearts to long for You above all else. You move us about with Your loving guidance and sweet freedom. There are so many lures that want to pull us outside of Your protective love, but give us the foreknowledge that these are mere temptations with no end benefits. Pull us inside of Your wings, and become our refuge from this culture, our protection from ourselves, and our shield from the enemy. Give us what we truly long for, which is "Your love that is better than life" (Psalm 63:3). Yes, hide us, sweet Savior, in the shadow of Your wings. Amen
And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God , God abides in him, and he in God. 1 John 4:14-15
Dear Lord God,
Thank you for sending your Son into the world. He is the one and only true Savior! Jesus, thank you for taking away our sin and also giving us your Spirit. Because of you, we have been born again to a living hope that is both alive today and lasts forever. We praise you for this indescribable gift. Amen.